Look, we’ve made our thoughts and feelings known about the incessant branding of literally everything into a cinematic universe, but this is taking things to a whole new level. We don’t need a cereal movie, but you know, since they’re asking, we’re happy to give some thoughts.
- A horror movie starring Count Chocula. Come on, do they really need a write-in for this? Sometimes the ball’s already on the tee and you just have to hit it into the field of play. We’d love if Zach Woods (Gabe from The Office) played Chocula, personally.
- A live-action movie starring the Honey Nut Cheerios bee. Actually, no, this is the horror movie.
- A heist movie starring the Trix rabbit. Obviously the rabbit assembles a crack team of other cartoon woodland creatures to steal the Trix cereals. Only rule: It has to be the original Trix fruity shapes. None of these dumb circle shapes they’ve been rolling out. We all know what the real treasure looks like.
- A chase movie with Lucky (from Lucky Charms). Those kids are after his Lucky Charms! Now, in a race against a foe who will stop at nothing to take what’s wrongfully his, Lucky must use all his wits—and his zaniest gadgets—to protect his coveted cereal.
- A food drama starring the chef from Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The greatest breakfast chef in the world has one problem: When the guy who made French Toast Crunch opens a rival restaurant across the street, the two must engage in culinary warfare to determine the greatest morning masticator of them all.
You can access the pitch site, all its disturbing glory, right here.
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